s y n t h e s i s

words. feelings. random stuff.

Category: the words (page 1 of 3)

closure

the worst is over now,
for we have left the past behind;
the future belongs to us
and fate is on our side.

if you want to stay,
i would be more than grateful to have you beside me,
now that we have all the time
in our bizarre little cube
to do whatever as you wish.
i’m relieved that all those years when i held onto my hope
that someday, you’re going to walk into the light once more
are definitely worth it in the end.

if your desire is to leave me,
live your own life,
and see the world beyond ours;
i won’t hold you back,
i’ve learned it the hard way that i couldn’t force everyone to stand by me for eternity.
however,
know that my doors are always open for you
when you decide to come home.

fictional characters

every night,

within a few days,

i disappear into your world

and join you in your many quests

i want to embrace you

through the finite pages

of the book in my hands

 

you gave me a reason to live again

but you’re not even alive

you’re real,

but unreal at the same time

and it kills me that my idea of you

sometimes clashes with reality

for if you were a person

who exists alongside me

the real you will not be without flaws.

dark room

some people believe
the pen is mightier than the sword
but if words have that much power
then how did your silence
cause me so much pain?

this dark room you’ve locked me in
this static buzzing in my ears,
they’re eating me alive
rapidly
agonizingly.
if i were a negative,
waiting for development
so i could display an image
instead of conjuring it in my head,
i might have been killed by insanity.

so please answer me
say a word or two,
the first verse of your favourite song
or your favourite poem,
because i need to know you’re still there
i need you to be alive.

after laughter

the hardest times of my life

happened not too long ago.

 

it all began with a rose-colored boy.

they told me not to get close,

but ignorance had stripped me off my senses.

i dismissed the warnings, those sirens.

 

i assured myself i was happy,

until he threw me into the fire

and i had to pull myself out.

as he begged for my forgiveness,

i feigned a smile, turning on my fake happiness mode.

but it wasn’t the last time i was thrown into the fire.

 

twenty six days had passed

since the first time we met.

floating in the pool of misery,

i tried not to let my own grudges consume me.

 

when i saw him again,

he was caught in the middle of a fight

which left him on his own,

no friend to talk and spend time with.

slowly, he turned at me

and began his quest for idle worship.

 

this time, i couldn’t keep my grudges at bay.

i threw him into the fire we had started,

walked away, and never looked back.

 

nobody should tell me how to feel about him,

not now, not ever.

 

(in honor of paramore’s new release)

drown #2

in the – hopefully – not foreseeable future,

you will sink into the ocean,

joining countless undiscovered creatures

and our ancestors

in the bed of the continent

 

somewhere in another point of my life,

i would have mourned for you

but now that i’ve sunken,

i am glad that at least i won’t be completely alone,

for i will sink into the deep with you.

time

somebody once told me

our greatest enemy is time

those words had haunted me for ages

but now i understand them,

all too well  

 

time kills us

in the form of age and decay

time chases us

in the form of deadlines

time maddens us

in the form of boredom  

 

however, i also realized

that time can heal us

if we give it a chance

if we don’t let the demons win

and if we let them change us

for the greater good.  

 

i will be better.

i will be better.

i will be better.

drown #1

for years i had been drowning

but nobody tried to pull me out

as i sunk deeper and deeper

into nothingness.

 

i couldn’t close my eyes,

my eyelids were heavier than steel

and numb, as if frostbitten

the burden on my shoulder

weighing me down as i fell,

the words i left unsaid

still lingered at the tip of my tongue,

kicking and forcing their way out of my mouth,

but never heard

for the water had canceled them,

turned them into meaningless noise,

another addition to the sea of entropy.

 

the thoughts i couldn’t share

remained inside my head,

forever haunting me,

never released,

never free.

shot in the dark

there was a blank canvas

in the middle of an empty room

everyday, someone walked in

with cans of paint on her hands

and painted on the canvas

until drowsiness took over her  

 

she began the painting

with the colour of night sky

and blended in shades of violet

the canvas that had once been blank,

turned into summer’s night

then she dipped her fingers

into a can of fluorescent paint

and touched the sky within her reach,

one star for each day of her return  

 

at last, the canvas was full of stars

and the picture is halfway done

she was working on an outline of the forest

when somebody barged into the room

she turned on her back,

just as the figure pulled out a revolver

and shot the painting behind her

until the sky was full of holes

where the stars had once been.

 

 

may the fourth be with me

thought that i was alone here

shielded with emerald leaves

guarded by the arms of pine trees

i was free, i was unbound

serenity rushed through my veins

 

then your shadow appeared

in the corner of my eyes

creeping from behind those arms

and beneath my bare feet

 

then i found myself running

running,

running through the woods

that once was my source of calamity

now transformed into anxiety

 

i was running

when something gripped my feet

black mass, lacerating my skin

in a split second, it stopped me

and i saw nothing.

mystery

the clock is ticking
telling me it’s almost midnight
four hours have passed
since your last call
i glance at the window
and all i see was snow
no cars, no one outside
no sounds but the clock
and my own breath

my phone vibrates in my hand
but it’s not from your message
i let it go, but the trembling doesn’t stop
i’m inside but i feel so cold

as i turn the lights out,
there’s a knock on our door
and another
and another
rapidly

i turn it back on
and rush into the front door
i look at the window
thank god, it was you
but before i had the chance
to open the door
you rush in, no greetings
something falls out of your grip
into the floor
a bronze key, the same as mine
covered in white
but stained with red.

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