w a n d e r l u s t

words. feelings. random stuff.

Category: 31harimenulis

chaotic neutral

i hope you don’t mind
a little bit of chaos
here and there
i just unleashed another storm
to demolish the bridges
you’ve burned so many times
but never turned into ashes

perhaps in another universe,
there’s someone that
you’ve always wanted me to be.
someone you could love
and you could use.
someone who gives into you willingly
and marches alongside you
as the two of you
begin your descent to oblivion.

spiral of silence

i lost myself

to the spiral of silence,

forced to stitch my mouth up

and kept my thoughts to myself

for the sake of my sanity

’cause i wanted to fight no more

after i gained my independence


is it just me

or the state of our world

is getting worse day by day?

i’m still trying hard

to remain hopeful

but it gets harder everyday


and in the end,

i suppose i can’t fix everything

that is wrong with this world,

this reality,

this hell we’re living in.

excerpt from my dream journal #1

hansel and gretel found a house of sweets.
meanwhile, i found a house of chocolate. the house was moderately sized, and looks as if it belonged to another time when my granny was a little girl. it was secluded from the rest of the neighborhood, distinguished by the walls of pine trees. i found it when i was playing hide and seek with my class mates after school ends that afternoon. a faint whisper commanded me to walk into the woods. somehow i didn’t resist; instead i followed its lead, which then brought me into this strange house.

this would make sense if i had lived in the northern hemisphere, because let’s be honest, it’s not quite realistic to have a house of chocolate in a country with tropical climate. the house could survive the night. however, 2 hours after contact with sunlight and it will be gone.
perhaps i read too much for a little girl. wait, i’m not so little anymore; i’m ten. i’m old enough to be a hogwarts student.

but in a world where you can catch pocket monsters in your devices, talk with boys who live in a world of binary codes, and found your love in unexpected places; anything should be possible.


not everyone had a happy childhood, and that’s okay.
when you were a kid, people often asked, “what do you want to do when you grow up?”
and you would answer with a dazzling smile plastered on your face, your soul as green as a maize field in the summer.
you have no idea what’s in store.
you only knew what kind of job you could possibly acquire in the future from your parents, friend, or what you saw in the media.
as you grow up, you realised…
nobody said the future was meant to be easy.
storms come and go
and hearts break and heal
but you have to

stay strong.


don’t lecture me about love
when all you’ve been doing
is spreading lies and hatred
in your precious virtual sphere.

don’t ask for my compassion
when you’d rather hope for someone’s downfall
than try to make the world a better place.

don’t expect me to internalize
every single word you’ve told me
when most of the time,
they’re sweets laced with cyanide.


i see you everywhere
even after all these years
in red signs and neon lights;
in black coats of pedestrians
and in glimpses of blue banners.

i feel you everywhere
in lyrics of my favourite songs;
in random images of my dreams;
in the smell of petrichor
after a day full of rain;
in the cold that lingers at night;
and the crimson of my chamber.

i couldn’t help
but to miss you.
i couldn’t save you
even after playing that scene
countless times in my head.

with each replay, i notice
how beautiful you were even in your pain.
even in your fragile state you’re still alluring.
and even when you left me the beauty remained.
you’re just like a rose in a wedding decoration;
sublime, vibrant, but bleeding inside.

towards the silver lining

they said, “happiness is at the end of the tunnel.”
i know they mean well.
i know they’re correct.
what most people tend to forget
is the fact that
some people are closer to the light than the others.
some of us have little trouble finding our way out.
some of us are still lost in the dark.
some of us are losing our way
and some of us just fade away.

i still believe
that i will reach the end of this seemingly endless tunnel.
all i could do
while finding my way out
is to make peace
with the shadows.


little girl

with an ancient soul

once had warmth

in her core.

but as seasons change

people left

carrying her fire

in their hearts;

until there’s nothing

but the cold.

a lack of temperature

killed her inside.

the dance

dance with me tonight

to the sound of the rain

let the rhythm flows

into your veins

close your eyes, my dear

and let your mind wander

together we’ll find a better place


the rain will wash your tears

and your heart from anguish

don’t give your mind

a room for fears

for it will ruin you


dance with me tonight

hold me close and tight

it’s not the end of the world


hold my hand

and feel the cold

if it makes you feel alive

fix my broken parts

and i will mend your scars

we could live for another hundred years


dance with me tonight

hold me close and tight

it’s not the end of the world.

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