s y n t h e s i s

words. feelings. random stuff.

Category: stories

after laughter

the hardest times of my life

happened not too long ago.

 

it all began with a rose-colored boy.

they told me not to get close,

but ignorance had stripped me off my senses.

i dismissed the warnings, those sirens.

 

i assured myself i was happy,

until he threw me into the fire

and i had to pull myself out.

as he begged for my forgiveness,

i feigned a smile, turning on my fake happiness mode.

but it wasn’t the last time i was thrown into the fire.

 

twenty six days had passed

since the first time we met.

floating in the pool of misery,

i tried not to let my own grudges consume me.

 

when i saw him again,

he was caught in the middle of a fight

which left him on his own,

no friend to talk and spend time with.

slowly, he turned at me

and began his quest for idle worship.

 

this time, i couldn’t keep my grudges at bay.

i threw him into the fire we had started,

walked away, and never looked back.

 

nobody should tell me how to feel about him,

not now, not ever.

 

(in honor of paramore’s new release)

shot in the dark

there was a blank canvas

in the middle of an empty room

everyday, someone walked in

with cans of paint on her hands

and painted on the canvas

until drowsiness took over her  

 

she began the painting

with the colour of night sky

and blended in shades of violet

the canvas that had once been blank,

turned into summer’s night

then she dipped her fingers

into a can of fluorescent paint

and touched the sky within her reach,

one star for each day of her return  

 

at last, the canvas was full of stars

and the picture is halfway done

she was working on an outline of the forest

when somebody barged into the room

she turned on her back,

just as the figure pulled out a revolver

and shot the painting behind her

until the sky was full of holes

where the stars had once been.

 

 

SNMPTN: My Story

Hari ini, secara resmi aku sudah bukan maba lagi. 🙁

Loh, kok bisa? Yaaaah karena pukul 2 siang tadi, hasil SNMPTN 2017 sudah diumumkan di laman resmi SNMPTN.

Dengan diumumkannya hasil seleksi, seratus ribu siswa kelas 12 akhirnya bisa bernapas lega… sementara sisanya hanya bisa menangisi layar desktop, tawakal, dan kembali membuka buku latihan soal SBMPTN.

Momen pengumuman SNMPTN ini bikin aku teringat pada tahun lalu, ketika aku masih stuck di zaman kegelapan alias semester 2 kelas 12 SMA. Saat itu pertengahan Mei 2016, pengumuman SNMPTN sudah di depan mata. Aku harap-harap cemas sambil merefresh browser untuk kesekian kalinya. Sebenarnya aku gak punya ekspektasi bakalan keterima lewat jalur ini karena prestasiku di sekolah biasa aja, tapi karena namaku udah terlanjur masuk dalam sistem, ya sudah aku berdoa aja. Kali aja hoki, hehehe. Saat itu pilihan pertamaku Ilmu Komunikasi UI, pilihan keduanya Sastra Inggris UI.

Singkat cerita, jarum jam sudah menunjukkan pukul 13.00 WIB. Dengan penuh semangat dan jantung berdebar-debar, aku membuka kembali laman resmi SNMPTN dan segera login. Klik!

Loading…

Lemot banget dah.

Gara2 diakses calon maba se-Nusantara sih.

Mana nih…

Jreng!!!

Hasil seleksi sudah muncul.

Bagaimana hasilnya?!?!

*drumroll*

 

MERAH.

ANDA TIDAK LOLOS JALUR SNMPTN 2016.

Aku lupa pernyataan aslinya gimana, kurang lebih ya kayak gitu.

Di saat itulah aku merasa bersedih. Gak cuma itu, aku pun jealous sama yang udah share stiker happy dan tulisan alhamdulillah di Line, yang udah komen jurusan dan univ masing2 di grup kelas… enaknya gak perlu was2 lagi nungguin pengumuman “tempat tinggal” baru. Walaupun udah disemangatin ortu, tetep aja… ditolak univ idaman itu sakit bruh.

Untung masih ada jalur tes tertulis seperti SBMPTN dan UM. Perjuanganku belum selesai! Setelah hiruk pikuk SNMPTN berakhir, aku kembali belajar otodidak melalui buku latihan soal dan simulasi SBMPTN serentak yang diselenggarakan oleh berbagai pihak. Tak lupa aku mendaftar SBMPTN dan UTUL ketika waktu pendaftaran telah dibuka.

And the rest is history… nanti aja pas lagi rame2 SBMPTN dan UTUL.

Anyway, selamat menempuh hidup baru bagi para maba! Semoga betah di jurusan dan universitas yang telah menerimamu dengan tidak apa adanya…

excerpt from my dream journal #1

hansel and gretel found a house of sweets.
meanwhile, i found a house of chocolate. the house was moderately sized, and looks as if it belonged to another time when my granny was a little girl. it was secluded from the rest of the neighborhood, distinguished by the walls of pine trees. i found it when i was playing hide and seek with my class mates after school ends that afternoon. a faint whisper commanded me to walk into the woods. somehow i didn’t resist; instead i followed its lead, which then brought me into this strange house.

this would make sense if i had lived in the northern hemisphere, because let’s be honest, it’s not quite realistic to have a house of chocolate in a country with tropical climate. the house could survive the night. however, 2 hours after contact with sunlight and it will be gone.
perhaps i read too much for a little girl. wait, i’m not so little anymore; i’m ten. i’m old enough to be a hogwarts student.

but in a world where you can catch pocket monsters in your devices, talk with boys who live in a world of binary codes, and found your love in unexpected places; anything should be possible.

childhood

not everyone had a happy childhood, and that’s okay.
when you were a kid, people often asked, “what do you want to do when you grow up?”
and you would answer with a dazzling smile plastered on your face, your soul as green as a maize field in the summer.
you have no idea what’s in store.
you only knew what kind of job you could possibly acquire in the future from your parents, friend, or what you saw in the media.
as you grow up, you realised…
nobody said the future was meant to be easy.
storms come and go
and hearts break and heal
but you have to

stay strong.

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